The Battlefield of Relationship

The Battlefield of Relationship

By Yaron Engler
Published Mar 19, 2017

What we want more than anything is to love and be loved and being in a relationship is the best way to play this game on a regular basis.

But in reality, our relationships often become a battlefield where all the habits and wounds that we bring with us from our past clash with those of the other person. So instead of loving unconditionally we hold back, and the relationships that have the potential to be a place of love, joy and freedom, often become a place of anger, resentment, frustration, disgust and doubt.

We end up doing many things that we don’t want to do:

  • We pretend to the world that everything is ok in our relationship while we repress our emotions and feel like shit inside.
  • We make our relationship look good to the world on our Facebook/Instagram/etc and pictures we have at home but that that doesn’t fill the emptiness we feel inside.
  • We bring kids into this battlefield with the hope that they will make things better. It doesn’t work.
  • We try to do everything we can again and again to make the other person understand that things are not working because of their fault that and they don’t seem to get it.

Relationship can be hard but when both sides are committed to show up and stay open there are small things that can be done to recreate the relationship as the place where love, passion and connection can be shared again.

So here you have some simple tools you can use that can make a huge impact to your relationships. It is fascinating to think that most people who are in a relationship don’t do these very simple things on a regular basis. If you are in a relationship, try them for a few weeks and see if you notice any difference:

1. Tell your partner that you love him/her and make sure you mean it and that it comes from your heart (If you don’t mean it – why are you still in the relationship?)
2. Spend every day a few minutes looking into your partner’s eyes (without talking)
3. Tell your partner how you want to be touched
4. Tell your partner how you don’t want to be touched
5. Ask your partner how he/she wants to be touched
6. Ask your partner how he/she doesn’t want to be touched
7. Allow your partner to share her/his pain without any judgment from your side…just listen…there is a reason why they tell you that…
8. Keep your heart and mind open when your partner shares something with you.

Take it as a game. Enjoy it. Start simple and stay playful.

If you are interested to learn more about how to improve your relationship with yourself, your intimate partner and other people drop me an email to discuss the best path you can take.